3:02am
by nervedamaged
Summary: When Dr Abby Griffin's car breaks down in the parking lot of the hospital at 3:02am after a heartbreakingly long shift, the last person she expected to come to her rescue was a female mechanic by the name of Raven. And the more and more their lives cross paths the more Abby believes there could be something more. #DoctorMechanic #Clexa
1. TIPTOES

Chapter One - **TIPTOES**

The latex gloves she'd worn all day had left her skin feeling parched, there was no resistance as she peeled the rubber away from her hands and dropped them in the trash. Slipping out of her blood stained scrubs, Abby scrunched the top and trousers together into a ball and lobbed them at the laundry chute with a 'hazardous waste' symbol above it. She sighed as she caught a sneak peek of herself in the mirror, blood had soaked through the top layer of scrubs and she was now wearing a reddish white undershirt, pulling this over her head, that too ended up in the hazardous waste bin ready for the hot wash and press before the start of her next shift in roughly... she glanced at her watch.. six hours and 48 minutes to be precise. Standing in her lingerie shivering against the coolness in the room and the lack of sleep she'd had in the last two weeks of continual nights/days shift patterns, Abby pulled a fresh set of mauve scrubs from her locker. Slipping the cold fabric up and over her butt she fastened the drawstrings at her bellybutton and shrugged the v-necked shirt over her flowery bra. Fingers plunging through her hair, ragging it back into a messy ponytail, she pocketed her phone and car keys, grabbed her bag, pulled her jacket over her shoulders and exited through the back door straight into the stairwell.

Nine flights of stairs, a few mumbled farewells and hand gestures later, she swept through the revolving doors out onto the snow scattered streets of Chicago on one of the coldest nights on record that year, her breath clung in little clusters of wispy smoke around her face as she pulled the ruffled neck of her coat up higher against her chin in a poor attempt to hide from the freezing wind. She'd moved here nearing five years ago now, after the breakdown of her marriage and subsequent death of her husband at the unfortunate hands of her daughter, Clarke, who had been the driver of the vehicle that fateful day in the middle of her final year at Brown. They'd been on a father daughter day to see the Rhode Island Rams in the playoffs, they'd won and the atmosphere was alive with the electricity of the day, the smiles and the a damn good time well spent. It wasn't Clarke's fault, an elderly man with a heart condition had rolled a stop sign, run the red light and hit the passenger side of their 1970 Dodge Challenger at 55 mph, the force had broken Jake's back, six of his lumbar vertebrae had shattered upon impact and as the car rolled over and over and over down a steep embankment off the 195 interstate, his cervical vertebrae snapped breaking his neck. There was no suffering, it was quick. That was a blessing. The emergency services had focused on the elderly gentleman, his heart attack had awarded him a trip to the hospital in the back of a super fast ambulance. Their car lay undiscovered for nearly 12 hours, the emergency personnel had not realised there was another car involved until early the next morning, and an unsuspecting Abby was the doctor called out to assist the paramedics with two casualties, one DOA the other a walking wounded. Jake was dead and had been for some time, Clarke was traumatised and Abby got to work in the only way she knew how with all efforts to hide what she was really feeling.

Clarke had just walked away, despite being thrown around like a rag doll, the cuts and bruises she sported were superficial, it was the scars on the inside that would wreak their damage later on, she would row with Abby frequently. Her most venomous spiteful words would come out when she was blaming Abby for the death of her dad and accuse her of having no heart and so, when failing in medicine a couple of years later, she would take a year out that ended up being four and she was off in some far flung country on the other side of the world nursing a broken heart from her latest lost love. Abby didn't speak to her often, their relationship was strained, forced and misshapen. Abby's bonus points were waning this year as she had also forgotten her birthday and neglected to send even a card overseas. She was a bad mother. She was also a bad person, but she was a good doctor, and that's what got her through even the toughest of times.

Today had been the toughest of them all since she had joined the hospital surgical team, she had had a girl not far from Clarke's age, same hair colour, seafoam green eyes on her table that evening, convinced that she was not good enough to live, the beautiful creature had slit her wrists from the heel of her palm vertically down to the midway point on her forearm. The six inch gash was deep, severing tendons and slicing through the radial artery. The amount of blood was etched in Abby's mind, staining her scrubs and seeping through onto her undergarments. She couldn't save her, the damage was too severe and just as she had fought so viciously to stem the flow, she had fought back the tears when it was clear she was already gone. She'd spent a long time in the pre-prep room sobbing her heart out after they had cleared the theatre. It had been a veritable struggle to dry her eyes, wash off her face and break the news to her worried next of kin in the waiting room. It wasn't the first patient Abby had lost since being in Chicago, and it most certainly wouldn't be her last, but it was a memory that would not leave her for a long long time to come. It was haunting and made the pang of her missing Clarke just that much more noticeable.

The empty space hurt.

Her car was a way aways in the back corner of the car park, hospital parking in the city was generous, but free didn't necessarily mean easily accessible. Abby had been walking for about 25 minutes now, her scrub material was thin around her thighs and the cold air pricked through making her wonder if it wasn't easier to just sleep in an on call room till her next shift. She rationalised the walk back with the continued walk to her car and didn't turn around to shrink back into the hospital's accommodating warmth. She fished around in her pocket for the keys to her TrailBlazer, she'd justified the size of the car back when she bought it because of the size of their family and the camping trips they took up to Allegheny National Forest... back when she had a family. When she sold the family home in Providence to help pay for Clarke's medical school fees, the truck was one of the last things she vowed to sell, hoping that it would one day be a graduation present for her daughter when the time came. But of course it never did, and here she was now with an aging beast of a truck that was larger than she needed and yet too much of 'home' to exchange for something smaller. She gripped the key between numb fingers and approaching the gun metal grey SUV made motions to press the key into the lock. It wasn't easy, it never had been, and the lock (like her life) had frozen up in the dropping temperatures. Abby bent down till her lips were inches from the door handle, cupping her mouth in a circular tube over the entrance to the lock, she breathed out warm condensation and couple of times till she was sure that that had done the trick.

She jimmied the lock another couple of times before it clicked and a couple of moments later she was sitting on the cold leather seat that had an old quilted blanket draped over it in an attempt to make it seem a little warmer than it actually was. Slipping the key into the ignition, she turned it and nothing happened, it wasn't uncommon, so she switched it back towards her and forwards again to the windshield, it chugged, chugg, chugg.. chugg, chugg, spluttered and died. Head came to a slow stop back against the headrest, a small comical sobbing cry emitted from her exhausted person. Popping the hood, she left her phone on the dash, keys in the non igniting ignition and shimmied out into the cold again to inspect what may or may not be going on in the inner workings of her automobile. Besides the basics she wouldn't be any the wiser, and she wasn't even sure she knew why she was looking now to be quite frank, but it was nearing 2:30am and the ridiculousness of this was beginning to make her think she was imagining it all. She couldn't make head nor tail of what was going on beneath the hood, and so climbing back into the comfort of the old Chevy she grasped her phone and scrolled purposely through a list of 'useful numbers' that she kept just in case of emergencies like this. She stopped at the name O'Grady's, on recommendation of a friend she had added this number only last week in the hopes that she might use them to test her vehicle emissions next month.

She glanced at her watch; 2:35am, what were the chances of getting someone out at this time of the morning, she wondered if they had a night service, would they be able to fix it on the spot for her, or would she have to make a trip to the garage with them in order to give the all clear for them to take the damn thing apart and sell it for parts. She made the call; a gruff voice answered and details were exchanged, there was no time frame given and so it was as sit and wait jobbie, but she was assured that someone would be with her shortly, Abby hoped that they wouldn't have to call her, her cell was running out of juice, it's little percentage of battery was dangerously close to single digits. Pulling the quilt out from under her butt she draped it over her torso, it was old and moth-eaten but it was something that she and Clarke had made back in the Summer of Clarke's 16th birthday, a project that Clarke had wanted her mother to partake in too. Abby held it close to her nose and breathed in deeply, it was musty but had a small tingling smell of home and the memories that followed made her well up. She wished she wasn't stuck in her truck in the hospital car park waiting for a mechanic and that perhaps if she was at the airport picking Clarke up from her travels things would be different to how they were now. Very different. She closed her eyes for two beats to blink the tears away.

The headlights woke her, bright and furious against the heaviness of sleep, squinting she held up her hand struggling to see passed rude awakening, she could make out a Dodge Ram with giant floodlights attached to the roof in an arch over the banner that read "O'Grady's Mechanics" - her sigh of relief was audible, thankful and pushing the quilt off her knees, she left the comfort of the car just as the occupant of the Ram left their warmth. Before her, the fluorescent colour of the headlights framed a figure and was not the person Abby had expected. A woman stood in front of her SUV, marking down numbers on a clipboard, deep chocolate brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, her features giving her a subtle beauty, that Abby found hard to take her eyes off of, Her red bomber jacket had the O'Grady's emblem splashes across the front and back; Abby wondered if there was someone else in the truck, she found herself wondering how someone so slight could be a mechanic for the beefed up trucks of America. Abby still in her lack of sleep, bewildered wake-up phase hadn't realised she'd not acknowledged this person's presence and when she finally came to her senses, all she could manage was a warming; **"Hey"** which, over the rumbling engine of the Ram, it was clear the girl didn't hear. Her phone beeped as it died at 3:02am - Clearing her throat, Abby tried again; **"Hey.. thanks for coming out so late, I feel awful for dragging you out here for something so simple..."** she trailed off as the girl looked up, her eyes mirrored her hair in colour, their liquid brown tint was kind and when a smile washed over her face, she stood up straight and took a few strides towards Abby; it was confidence that Abby admired. The girl shook her hand firmly and smiled that incredibly inviting grin again; **"Hey! I'm Raven"** she didn't miss a beat and whilst Abby was a bit taken aback by it all, Raven continued on with her job, **"I understand, it's not often that you see a lady mechanic, but I work the graveyard shift and it's usually pretty quick something like this, so do you wanna show me what's the issue that you're having here?"** She pointed to the hood and smiled at Abby.

It was contagious, she was contagious – because for the first time in a long time, Abby smiled too and it didn't seem forced, it seemed natural.


	2. COFFEE

Chapter 2 - Coffee

Tick.. tock.. tick.. tock.. tick.. tock.. tick.. tock..

The rhythmic sound was soft, comforting even, Abby found the day catching up with her, the continuous sound of the clock on the wall above her head lulled her into a light sleep as the cushions against her back and the warm couch greeted her like an old friend. Raven had clicked on the portable heater when they'd arrived; the frigid air now mixed with the heat thrown out by the glowing orange spokes. She'd swapped out Abby's coat for a blanket and gestured to the couch as a suitable waiting place whilst she unloaded Abby's vehicle and worked on a solution. Abby drifted off and when she slept, she dreamt and it wasn't pretty dreaming; the poor girl who lost her life earlier on that evening was silently screaming, blood streaming down her arms, pooling at her feet and burning through the asphalt around her, rain beating down in a cascade that froze over Abby's skin burning her with it's intensity, try as she may she could not reach her, the mere metres between them were neverending, continually being replaced with more and more concrete. The heat on her face was interrupted by cool frustrated tears, their path cut a purposeful line down her scored cheeks and fell unaided from her chin. Arms outstretched, reaching, pleading, she felt helpless and that frightened her, the girl was sinking now, being engulfed by the blood that still gushed from her open wounds it was surrounding Abby, burning at her feet that were strangely bare and exposed to the elements. There was no real pain, not like you would imagine, there was a tingling sensation worked it's way up to her thighs and when her fingers began to ache Abby hazarded a look down at her skinless bone hands, the ligaments and muscles hanging loosely off the bone.

 _"Mom.."_

Abby's head snapped back up, she drew an even gaze with the dying teenager who was no longer the girl she had lost but the image of Clarke lying face down in a pool of dark red sticky mess, the crimson stuck to her lips as she opened her mouth and screeched something Abby didn't have a chance to translate before she was jolted awake by the soft click of the heater automatically switching off once it had reached it's optimum temperature.

Sweat freely trickled down the back of her neck, her heartbeat sounded like a drum in her chest, her face on fire from the heat in the room. When she breathed in it was ragged and pained. It wasn't the first time she had dreamed of Clarke in a horrible situation like that, when her mind was tired it would dredge through all the shit that Abby had had to deal with recently and play it back in some horror induced detail, mixing it with her loved ones and forcing her to relive her failures as a mother, wife and quite desperately, a doctor. Abby shirked off the blanket, spotting her cell on the desk in the corner plugged into the power point. She smiled, the gesture was unneeded but very well received, pushing the home button her little screen floated to life and the blurry digits read; "4:46" - they couldn't have been there more than half an hour because the battery gage on her phone only registered 20%. Leaving it to charge, Abby walked to the door and stepped out into the large open space that was lit with fluorescent bright light.

The workshop was silent, even the guy who had answered Abby's earlier call wasn't anywhere to be found. Abby wondered if Raven worked this graveyard shift every night; it felt oddly like her own shift pattern and she found herself smiling sympathetically to herself, understanding the dead of night was her specialty. The bay doors were shut and bolted, linoleum floor squeaked under her shoes. Abby felt like she was walking through an airport terminal, it's long thin aluminium walls were dome shaped, all machinery sat neatly in the middle and passed the car jack was Raven and her trailblazer, coming closer she watched as Raven's hands worked furiously, fingertips barely touching the tools that she worked with. It was hypnotising, Abby's eyes couldn't stop watching her and the way that she moved. Raven had been working on her vehicle for an indefinite amount of time now, every time she tweaked one thing another thing popped off or broke under her other hand. Eventually semi-defeatedly Raven looked up, black grease streaked across her forehead from her forearm as she brushed away the sweat beads that had formed just below her hairline.

Not seeing Abby behind her, Raven cussed; "Shit!"

Abby shifted awkwardly, she guessed it wasn't good news. Raven turned to grab a larger spanner, catching a glimpse of Abby out of the corner of her eye. She held her breath, smiled gingerly and approached Abby, keys in one hand, a dirty grease and bright red stained rag tied around her other.

"There's good news and bad news" she offered sympathetically, hands waving animatedly in the direction of her car.

Abby exhaled deeply, "Go on, bad news first".

"I'd like to say it was to do with age, but it's not, it's just something that happens here in a city that suffered from cold weather 60% of the year!" Raven explained, Abby nodded, or at least bobbed her head a bit to make it seem like she was understanding what was being said.

"Your radiator was flooded, should have been a simple fix but..." Raven paused, she looked sheepish

"But..?" Abby offered.

"But, I broke the pressure cap... and whilst I've fixed the leak, I have no way of stopping it overheating again because there is no cap to screw on.." Abby gave Raven her due, she did look completely mortified, if it wasn't quite serious it would have been amusing.

Seeing the look on Abby's face from the news that Raven had just delivered, she quickly pushed forwards with "But, the good news is that I can have the part here for you end of play tomorrow and fitted, fixed, done and dusted by Thursday early AM" here eyes searched Abby's wondering if this offered solution was enough to keep the anger at bay. But there was no anger in Abby's features, only tiredness and... could that have been a hint of a smirk?

The silence was loud. It made Raven feel awkward.

When Abby spoke up it wasn't about what she had expected. She gestured to Raven's injury, "you alright?"

Taken aback, Raven looked down at the rag that covered her palm, it throbbed but barely. "Yeah, it's just a scratch!" and Raven dismissed it like it happened all the time.

Abby didn't doubt it, but she still felt somewhat responsible, so she pressed the issue; "Please.." She nodded and held out her hands, "I'm a doctor.."

Raven stood, like a deer in the headlights as Abby invaded her personal space, cold fingers closed around her wrist, lifting it in her direction, turning it over till her palm faced the ceiling. Kind hands removed the temporary bandage and assessed her wound. Abby escorted Raven to a stool, suggesting she take a seat and support her hand as she went to get the first aid kit from the neighbouring wall. When she returned Abby's fingers gently tended the broken and jagged skin that ran along the creases of her palm, the angry red that seeped back through every time it was wiped away was making Raven feel nauseous. She swallowed audibly, closed her eyes and looked away. It stung.

"Nearly done.." Abby whispered, "just breathe.." she'd placed some gauze over the gouge and was carefully wrapping the pristine white flexi bandage around her fingers, when Raven looked back up; their eyes met briefly, Abby's were kind, worried, focused. Raven's were confused, vibrant, nervous.

"Thank you.." Raven nodded clearing her throat. Abby smiled at her, it was warm and inviting,

"All done..", her right hand stayed where it was, clasping Raven's, her left deposited the dirty rag in the trash. When she straightened up and didn't remove her hand, it was Raven's turn to break the silence with a subject change.

"Uhh... Abby.." Raven emitted,

Abby was attentive, "Yes..?"

"Can I have my hand back?" Raven gestured with her eyes down at her hand still cupped in Abby's. It was like a bomb exploded, the support that had been there moments ago, dropped as Abby took her hand away;

uh, yeah, sorry.." - when their eyes met again it wasn't like it way before.

It was anxious. Fleeting.


	3. CITY LIGHTS

Chapter Three - **CITY LIGHTS**

The shrill sound of Abby's cell broke through the tension in the room.

" _I'M BRINGING SEXXY BACK... THEM OTHER BOYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT..."_

Raven's face said it all, shock mixed with a little hint of amusement, she stifled a laugh and Abby looked mortified,

"I... uh...mm, I should get that" She stumbled through her words, all decorum gone in the instant that Justin Timberlake's words sang loud and proud from her speakers.

" _DIRTY BABE, YOU SEE THESE SHACKLES BABY I'M YOUR SLAVE..."_

"Yeah... I think you should..." Raven spluttered as she gave up trying to hold back and burst into laughter.

" _I'LL LET YOU WHIP ME IF I MISBEHAVE..."_

Abby ran, face a flushed royal magenta, as fast as her legs could carry her to the back room, scooping up her cell and cutting it's explosion of sound, and her moment of embarrassment, short in an instant. She would 'kill' her interns later, she knew she should never have trusted that they wouldn't do something like this when looking back over her surgical documentation photos and notes.

"Dr. Griffin"

It was the hospital, the monotone woman on the other end of the receiver informed Abby that there was one less resident on the surgical team for that evening and she had been rostered in instead of her normal day shift that was due to start in just a few hours, she would now be expected to start at 6pm that evening. Abby breathed a sigh of relief as she agreed to the time change and hanging up quickly and efficiently changed her ringtone back to something a little more sedate and right up her street, a jazzy track that had no name. It was something that Jake had recorded when he was still alive. She smiled at the memories as she slipped the semi charged cell back into her bag. She would charge it fully when she got back to her house.

When Abby re-entered the workshop Raven was at the back again with her trailblazer; Abby approached confidently despite their last interaction and subsequent moment of amusement/embarrassment from both parties. Raven heard her approach this time, turning she greeted Abby with a smirk;

"Nice ringtone..."

Her subtle laugh was creasing itself across her face as she tried to compose herself.

"So... will you be whipping me if I misbehave?"

The words had tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. It was Raven's turn to look mortified.

"Oh Christ... foot in mouth disease... I'm sorry, I don't even know what I was thinking... Can you forget I said that?"

She cringed and it was Abby's turn to smile, it was soft, welcoming, nothing like their first encounter when all that Raven sensed was nervousness and hesitation. Abby made a locking sign across her lips with her index finger and thumb.

"My lips are sealed!" Abby chuckled, "It must be early morning syndrome!" she pushed forwards with the conversation in an attempt to make it less awkward for Raven despite the fact that they had both shared a mutual moment of embarrassment.

"So, uh how much do I owe you for the car?" When Abby left her cell in her bag she'd picked up her wallet and was now undoing it to grab the nearest card secretly hoping it wouldn't break the bank before her next pay day.

"Oh no, nu uh, you don't owe me anything..." Raven winked, "it's on the house Abby..."

"Raven, please.." Abby urged firmly, "I insist, there's no way I'd let you do all of this for me for free!"

"I'm serious Abby" Raven nodded to her palm, "You fixed my hand and I don't have insurance, it would have cost me my arm to get stitched at the hospital.." she shrugged, "So as far as I'm concerned, we're even"

There was that smile again, the one that had caught Abby's eye at the beginning back in the parking lot, it was cheeky, a beautiful crease at either side of Raven's mouth, her eyes smiled too and Abby found it warming, inviting and perhaps a little bit exciting to be in the company of someone as vibrant as this stunning lady mechanic she had only known for a few hours. So when she spoke again it was spontaneous, nowhere deep down in Abby's being had she imagined asking or even offering such a thing to someone, let alone someone she had just met.

"In that case, let me buy you breakfast..." Abby proposed but quickly added, "Or coffee, if you can't stomach full on breakfast this early in the morning.." She chuckled and was further reciprocated by Raven's agreement;

"Yeah, sounds good, let me just..." She waved her arms around at the mess of parts strewn around her person; "Clear up a bit!" picking up the wrench and putting it on the side tray Abby slipped her card back into her wallet and nodded in Raven's direction, "Here, let me help.."

Raven had never expected it, a woman of Abby's age and dignity offering to help clear up the greasy mess that she had created in the workshop, but when the older woman pocketed her wallet and began to pick up tools, putting them in all the right places on benches and trays, even racks on the walls around them. Raven couldn't help but wonder if she had a husband who was interested in automobiles, her heart sank a little at the thought, but of course, Abby was a beautiful, middle aged, successful doctor with her head screwed on correctly, who's to say that she didn't have a husband waiting back at home for her? But why wouldn't she call him when she had found there was a problem with the car? With all these thoughts running through Raven's head, she'd stopped what she was doing and instead searched for a wedding ring upon Abby's hand; so lost in her thoughts Raven was still swimming in a sea of 'What If's' when Abby caught her in her daydream;

"Raven..? You alright?"

"Uh, yeah.." Raven shook herself out of the mist that was her overactive imagination, "just leave the rest, I'll clear it up later, or we'll be here all day and all night at this rate"

'Good save Reyes!' she applauded herself, 'quick thinking!' - she grabbed her red bomber jacket and made motions towards the door, "Come on," she gestured to Abby to go first, "there's a place across the street that does the most amazing maple pancakes!"

It was habit, Abby reached for the lightswitch as she exited through the main door onto the cold street outside, just at the same time Raven also reached for the the lightswitch and for a hint of a moment their hands made a swift stroking contact with one another, Abby's hand trapped beneath Raven's as it lingered a little longer than it should do, but in an instant the contact was gone, the lights ceased and the workshop was plunged into darkness, the door closing on that darkness as a light buzz of the metro hit Abby's ears; she glanced at her watch, the time read 5:46am – the city around them was slowly waking up, city lights blurred in the background as Abby's eyes welled up in the cold air.

She and Raven made their way across the road to Sandy's Diner & Coffee Bar, a shabby little place in need of a lick of paint or probably a bulldozer and a rebuild, but it was pleasant inside, the décor dated but the coffee was good and even when Raven ordered maple pancakes for the both of them and the sickly sweet hit the back of Abby's throat like the punch of heat that was slowly making it's way around her system, she felt the combined buzz of sugar and caffeine as it worked it's way through her veins. Tiredness did not compare right now, she was over it, in fact she was pretty sure she was over it at the start of her shift yesterday. Abby was no longer sure of roughly how many hours she had been awake.

Raven had tucked in, eating like a ravenous crazed bird, Abby didn't doubt that her sugar rush would take her into next week at this rate, she found herself smiling into the hot coffee steam that billowed up around her face. How did this seem so natural, so relaxed and normal? Raven's husky voice broke her train of thought,

"So tell me more about yourself Abby...?"

She seemed genuinely interested and it scared Abby a bit, but what scared her more than anything and more than the question itself, which was so simple, was how she much she actually wanted to answer and she didn't want to keep anything aside for later, she wanted to tell Raven everything, all of it, sparing no details...

"I have a daughter..." Abby started, "her name is Clarke..."

* * *

 _** a remote island in the middle of the Southern Indian Ocean **_

* * *

"Clarke..."

It was a little whisper at first, and try as she may, she couldn't figure out where it was coming from..

"Clarke..."

It sounded again, this time a little louder, reaching towards her in the darkness. She strained to hear and peered into the pitch black and when the scene before her unfolded she was back where it all started, frozen to the spot unable to help her dying father and the seatbelt caught around her neck strangling her, cutting off her air, the scene turning blurry including her mom's face, fading into the black... she was dying... all over again..

She was jolted awake, breath caught in her throat and the bed sheets clung to her sweat covered body. Clarke felt like she was choking, hands grasped at her neck, nails scratching before she realised it was all just a dream, a dream that try as she may she couldn't try to escape because it has happened in reality some 6 years ago. Like a form of post traumatic stress, she curled up into a tighter foetal position and sobbed quietly to herself.

A light feminine hand snaked over her waist, pulling her close.

"Hey..."

it soothed sympathetically, loving, worried.

Turning in to the comfort, Clarke nuzzled her face closer to the form that lay beside her and let go. Tears overflowing from her emotional build up.

"Shhh.. shh.. shhh"

Lexa whispered as she pulled Clarke closer.

"It's okay... I've got you..."


	4. TURNING PAGE

Chapter Four – **TURNING PAGE**

Whoooooshhhhh, whoooooshhhhh, whoooooshhhh, whoooooshhhh, whoooooshhhh, whoooooshhhh..

The ceiling fan above her moved in a ghostly motion, it's whoooooshhhh whoooooshhhh sound filled the room as Clarke awoke to sweet humming coming through the open sash window. The longer she listened the more she recognised the song and the further across her cheeks the smile crept, Lexa had a way to make her feel complete just by being herself. Clarke never had to worry that she wasn't all her mother had wanted her to be when she was in Lexa's arms, she could forget... well, that was until she fell asleep, and the nightmares crawled across her skin, touched her soul and nails scraped across her throat. Clarke shuddered, easing the bedsheets from her naked torso she rolled over and slipping off the bed, stood walking carefully over to the chest of drawers at the other side of the room; the breeze billowed through the soft draped fabric curtains catching in the wind and seamlessly floating back to their original place before being picked up again and mellowly wafted back towards the middle of the room, a continuous flowing motion that complimented the ceiling fan, the ajar window and Lexa's soft humming that still sifted through the airy open plan room.

It gave Clarke a pleasant feeling of freedom. It had been a while since she had felt that, totally completely and utterly free, here they were in the middle of an island somewhere off the coast of Indonesia, a little uninhabited island owned by Lexa's family for centuries, the little hut she now stood in was the only one on the mass of land coveted by white sands and palm trees brimming with coconuts. The water a shimmering turquoise rippling invitingly some 10 metres away from where Lexa stood; Clarke could see her now, her long delicate fingers moved smoothly through her long brown hair, pulling it back as water cascaded from the outdoor shower head over her shoulders, the smell of peppermint coconut oil shampoo wafted through the room and peaked her senses.

Clarke watched her for a moment, eyes respectfully gazing over her smooth curves, the way her waist created a soft wave down to her buttocks that then skimmed her abdomen, the water kissing her mound of Venus before it greeted her thighs and disappeared from view. She took in the long deep scar that made it's way from her breastbone right down to her navel, it's light bumpy texture stood out under the coolness of the shower but was scarcely noticeable when her skin was warm to the touch. Clarke had scars, some were visible, some were psychological – those that were visible weren't very pretty, some were deep, they didn't tan and they were obvious to the naked eye. It was these that she was most ashamed of, these that Lexa would kiss softly every time they held each other in an embrace, these that she would caress with her fingers, a feeling that made Clarke shiver with a mixture of tenderness and excitement. Never once had Lexa made her feel like she was damaged goods, that she was anything less than beautiful, she had whispered that all her scars were mere footsteps along a rocky road that made up the most poignant moments of her life, and that without them she was just a shell, she had taken Clarke's hand and guided by her own run her fingers down each protruding mass of broken skin declaring her body as a canvas that has just started it's journey to become a masterpiece. She had never asked about Lexa's scar, but had guessed it was from surgery, when they had slept side by side the second night after they had first met, Clarke had rested her head against Lexa's chest and fallen asleep to the sound of her heart murmur. It's what made them both as fragile as the other and yet both as complete as they could possibly be when they were together.

Clarke closed the drawer and slipped a white lace kaftan over her head, adjusting the ties around her waist before grabbing the bikini bottoms and shimmied them up her backside. Barefoot the sand was warm, a little too warm but her soles were finally used to it. She could barely remember how long they had been in this beautiful secluded place now; time was non existent here; there was no morning, no afternoon, no good-nights, or need to be up for anything other than when they felt like it. They caught their own food, cooked it, boiled sea water to drink, basked in the sun during the glowing sunsets, laid out in the sand till the fireflies rose up from the trees and danced and laughed till the moon came up. And when they slept, it was intertwined, it was perfect.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Clarke mused as she rounded the corner and greeted Lexa with a towel from the neighbouring shower cupboard, only letting it go when it was securely tied around her nudity.

"You looked so peaceful.." Lexa smiled innocently but added on a more serious note, "You only fell asleep about an hour ago." she shifted her weight and refused to meet Clarke eye, instead focusing on her chipped toenail paint.

"I'm okay..." Clarke started, a semi forced response that hoped Lexa wasn't being as observant as usual, it didn't work.

"Clarke..." stunning blue eyes looked up at her, looked passed the outer shell and fell deep into her own piercing blue eyes, "Please don't lie to me.. I see you every night, I comfort you out of every nightmare..." her voice shuddered slightly, there may have been a tiny hint of tears in her voice, but if there was she masked it well, and didn't let any fall, "Please let me in.."

That statement hurt, all Clarke had been doing was letting Lexa in since the moment they had first met. There wasn't a point in time that Clarke's past hadn't been laid out bare like an open book for Lexa to pore through at any given opportunity. But she knew she was right; there was that one memory that she just could not share, it was too hideous to speak of, the shame of what she did was something that she would live with and her alone. She swallowed audibly; "I can't.." she shook her head furiously, "I'm sorry, I can't.." she could feel the emotions building up in her nose, the first sign of unwanted tears that she didn't want to let fall. "... You wouldn't love me any more if I did.." Clarke broke eye contact and whispered under her breath so that Lexa couldn't hear; "No one would.." - she hurriedly followed it with an standard statement, something to get them both away from the awkward situation that this was bound to turn into.

"I'm going fishing; I'll be back soon" She held her hand against Lexa's for a fleeting second before the contact was gone and so was Clarke. Lexa was left standing, feet soaked in the base of their makeshift shower, a deep sigh escaped her as she looked after the silhouette of Clarke disappearing down the mirage of white sand. "Well... that went well!" she scolded herself "way to stick your foot well and truly in it Lexa!", running her fingers frustratedly through her hair and syphoning off the rest of the water, she made her way back inside the cabin in search of clothes, glad for a little time alone to think about an appropriate response and possible apology to what had happened on Clarke's return.

Several hours had passed since Clarke had left Lexa unceremoniously draped in a towel; the clouds in the distance rolled in fast, their thick dark grey prompted a moment of worry that flooded through Lexa, it hit her throat and made her feel sick, she stood in the doorway, the wind that billowed the curtains this morning now ruffled them and ravaged their flow with a quick uplifting motion that stopped abruptly and dropped them where they fell before picking them up again and blowing them around violently. She drummed her fingers on the wooden frame nervously, constantly searching for any sign of her across the beach, it was harder to see anything more than a furry misty fog that crept in off the bay and huddled close to the shoreline. Hazarding a glance to her left Lexa watched as the grey clouds, now black, created their own weather system and a crack of lightning suddenly hit the rocks at the end of spit that curved towards the bay.

"CLARKE...!"

She screamed frantically at the top of her lungs, what she could hear above the noise as the storm approached was not the voice she thought she would have in a situation like this. She would like to have pretended that she was calm and cool in the present situation and that she handled what happened next with a little bit of grace, but thank god no one was around to witness it, because in that moment a second bolt of lightning hit the sand inches away from a palm tree and it groaned as if it too was shocked by the near miss. The hale came in strong and battered their tin roof with golf ball sized pellets.

"CLAARRRKKKEEE...!"

She screamed again above the roar; her next actions were through no thought to her own safety, darting down the steps she hit the sand running, pushing herself through the driving hale-stones, each one that struck her only forced her forwards further and further into the storm in desperate need to find Clarke before either one of them were swept away. Mere minutes passed but it felt like hours, and still the hale-stones flung down their venom on top of her slight figure, so much so that she tripped over the bucket, knees and palms grazed in the sand as grit stuck to the wounds, righting herself Lexa grabbed the red bucket from under her, dead fish had spilled out and were now caked in sand around her, it was Clarke's. Scrabbling to her feet, bucket in hand she screamed again;

"CCCLLLAARRKKEEEE...!"

When she swallowed it was gritty, she coughed and her throat was raw, but it didn't matter; screaming Clarke's name again and again and again till her voice was hoarse. she needed to find her. It wasn't an option of not, she had to.

She had to.

Lexa felt like she had swallowed the entirety of the sand on their little beach, she was no longer sure where was up nor down and if she wasn't just going round and round in circles. She'd lost the bucket, that didn't matter – she'd lost Clarke, that did matter, that mattered more than anything in the world and if she had lost her... she would never forgive hers... _"No! Stop!"_ Lexa chided herself, _"You cannot think like that!"_ breathing hard, she closed her eyes briefly remembering in that moment the place that Clarke went to fish recently was always the same;

"The boat..!"

She said aloud, the bucket clattered around at her feet, the wind picking it up and blowing it downhill... downhill towards the ocean. Lexa followed it half stumbling, half running till the water lapped over her toes and turning against the wind she pushed forwards eye screwed tightly shut, walking blindly into the storm – the thunder and lightning applauding her every step with their own accompaniment of crashes and booms only a few metres behind her. When her toes hit the boat it was a shock and Lexa had to stop herself from falling right over her. Hands patted frantically over it, it had capsized, the bow dug deep into the sand, it's curve tilting upwards and down in a huge arch dissipating in the stern that was ravaged and tattered as the ocean lapped at the wood and slowly started to take sections of it away.

Lexa's heart sank.

Struggling to stay calm, she couldn't stop the thoughts now, they whizzed around her mind in a crazed frenzy of every possible outcome, _'she had been just off shore and the storm had come in fast, it had pushed the boat against the rocks and it had capsized, Clarke had fallen out, she'd drowned? Or hit her head on the rocks and was lying somewhere bleeding?'_ she tried again, weakly to call for her, but it was just a rasp, barely audible above the storm that was nearly on top of her.

"C..l..a..r..k..e.."

When something brushed her ankle Lexa didn't think anything of it, but when it closed around her leg and pulled her closer to the downed boat, she crouched lower, hands investigating the restriction, fingers brushed fingers. Her breath caught as her hand closed around another, out from a small person sized hole poked a hand, attached to an arm and when Lexa knelt down, peering through into the darkness beyond, her eyes met striking blue;

"Clarke?!"

She half rasped half cried, sobs taking over, she'd never let go of her hand, clasped in her own, she shimmied down into the hole helped by a grubby faced Clarke; the instant she hit the dug out below her arms flung around Clarke, Lexa clung on for dear life, like nothing would drag them apart; all resolve and calm left her in that moment that relief took over and when she could finally let Clarke go without being scared this was just a figment of her imagination, she pulled her away slowly, taking her in, every inch of every detail, documenting her scratches, the cuts and bruises and eventually just drew her gaze with hers, nothing was said. Nothing need to be said. The emotions were there for the words that weren't. They both wiped the others tears, both tended to each others wounds, and when they lay down together to wait out the storm Lexa whispered;

"I want you to know... that it doesn't matter, I don't want you to feel like you have to let me in." she searched Clarke's features for her reactions, cautiously proceeding in the hopes that what she was saying was the right thing. "I want you to feel comfortable enough to let me in.." her voice was softer now, "I... I'll always be here Clarke, I'm not going anywhere.." Lexa reached out to brush a strand of hair from her Clarke's face, the second it touched her cheek it was greeted by Clarke's own;

"It's okay.." Clarke responded softly cupping Lexa's hand under her own, "I think it's time you knew the truth.."


	5. PAPER SCENE

**AUTHOR'S** **NOTES:**

Two things;  
First, this is the 2nd half to the previous chapter that I left on a cliffhanger, I am truly sorry. You may need tissues (you will need tissues)  
Secondly, the poem, is lyrics from the song "Saturn" by Sleeping At Last, I needed to integrate it without making it about a song, because it's heartbreakingly accurate to the storyline.

Lastly, I'm sorry if I make you cry, I need you to feel what I feel when I write the chapters, all chapters, I want you to fall madly in love with the whole story not just the characters.

* * *

Chapter Five – **PAPER SCENE**

Clarke sat, crossed legged in front of Lexa, picking at the skin around her fingernails. Lexa's hand rested lightly on her thigh, fingertips gently stroking comforting circles over the scars on Clarke's on pale skin, whilst the rain beat down on the boat above them, thunder rumbled and lightning bristled crackling across the bay, churning the sea into a wicked frenzy, their little dug out was quiet, peaceful even. It's sides carved out by Clarke's hands, patted into shape by her palms and moulded into a little 'escape the real world' module. It was a tight fit and the air was stale with the smell of spoilt fish and static electricity. Lexa was silent, her eyes watched Clarke like a hawk, studying her breathing, the way her chest rose and fell slightly too fast as she battled the demons inside her. She ceased the motions of her circles and instead shifted closer till their knees were touching and Lexa could reach for Clarke's hands to stop the incessant picking, the obsessive compulsive need to do something with her hands just to calm her nerves. Clasping Clarke's hands in her own, Lexa held them gently despite their shaking, despite the feeling that Clarke just wanted to pull away and sink back into the weird comfort of knowing she was the only one who knew and therefore nothing bad would happen, because she was strong enough to keep the secret she had promised her father she would keep, even from her own mother.

Clarke drew her gaze with Lexa's, the pain behind her gorgeous blues damn near broke Lexa's heart in two. Pulling herself closer still, she lifted Clarke's hands up to her lips and kissed them lightly;

"It's okay.."

She whispered soothingly,

"It's okay.. I'm still here.."

The first tear coursed down Clarke's cheek, breaking the barrier she had held up for so long, the long hard stone wall was collapsing under the weight of Lexa's love and she let it...

"It was me.."

Clarke swallowed roughly, feeling the words catching but forcing them out regardless, "I was driving that day, we'd.." another gritty swallow, "..we'd just come back from a game, we won and it was one of the most memorable days I have up here" she tapped her forehead lightly, "... when I remember him he's smiling, and joking around, there isn't an ending, it keeps on in an infinite slow motion reel and sometimes my mom is there too" she smiled momentarily as though the memory was the last she had of them being happy as a family, stifling a sob Clarke looked down as she blinked away the tears, it was a moment before she spoke again, and when she did it was with a different tone of voice, a fleeting, scared child stuck in a never-ending story of sadness;

"When the car rolled I heard it, his back snapped in two and I cannot shake the screams, so so many screams" She had pulled her hands away from Lexa's now and they pressed violently against her ears as though those screams were all she could hear now in the howling wind outside. Lexa crawled to her side, arms wrapped around her waist, hand against her head pulling her into a loving embrace, stroking her hair, whispering "shh, shhhh" calming her and pulling her back from the edge of her self-hatred;

"The way the car landed crushed his pelvis, it pinned him in against the steering wheel and pinned me under him in the driver's seat, the wet ground cold against my back, the seatbelt wrapped around my neck pulled ever tighter and every-time I moved he screamed in agony.." she gasped air in deeply, "...every-time I tried to help him.. it..." her hand flew to her mouth and she sobbed through it, ".. it.. pushed the broken outer shell further up into his spine.. I was trying to stay alive and in the process I was killing him.."

Her head pounded under the pressure of the tears that were now streaming down her face and sinking into Lexa's already soaking shirt, the soft stroking and hushed voice pressed on as, defeated, she sank further into Lexa's embrace, welcoming the comfort she wasn't quite sure she deserved, but wanted so so desperately.

She was lost in the space around them, in the in-between stuck in the midst of the paper scene as it slowly unfolded around her, she frantically grasped for Lexa's unoccupied hand, and upon finding it clung on for all that she was worth, knowing she needed to step into this already told story, to make amends and move on with her unfinished canvas. The breath she drew in was long and deep, exhaled and drawn in again before she disappeared through the portal separating her past from her present.

"He asked me to do it, he begged me and I held his hand like he'd held mine when I was five and I'd lost my front teeth falling off deck on our front porch... it was cold... his hand was cold, lifeless but he was still breathing, still talking, still looking straight at me when he asked... no... no.. he told, he told me to save myself, that my mom needed me, that I was more important than him, he had lived his life and what a wonderful life it was, he had been blessed with a beautiful love and a gorgeous daughter that he wouldn't trade for the world... but now was my time..."

The scene lay before Clarke, still, unmoving, inanimate and when she looked inside neither of them were in the car, it's crushed shell battered like a petrol can stuck to the ground in a freakish movie that kept skipping right to the moment that it had landed off the embankment and the rod of metal had driven it's way through her father's lower back. Movement in front of her made her look up and standing not some five metres in front of her was her mom, her gaze bore a hole into Clarke's soul and she felt foolish to admit how much she missed her right now. Abby had whispered something then, something inaudible and all Clarke could hear was the thud, thud, thud of her heartbeat sounding thick inside her ears. Abby spoke again;

"Clarke..."

 _* CRACK *_

She collapsed to her knees, her heart breaking into a million pieces as all the blood drained from her face, her mom was no longer there before her; she was just the distraction she needed so Clarke wouldn't have to witness that moment over again, when she had held her dad's head at an odd angle, kissed his cheek and cried with him as he recited his favourite poem, that Clarke had no idea meant an ending that was beautifully ravaged by the death of a loved one, until now;

" _you taught me with the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly, even after death... with shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite.. how rare and beautiful it truly is.. that we exist..."_

And he had whispered that it was okay, it was okay and he loved her and he loved her mom and it was okay..

"I broke his neck.."

she admitted as the pain of what she had just spoken crept back up to sit tightly on her chest and crush all the air from her lungs, sobs racked her body which only made Lexa hold her tighter, closer still and bring her head into the crook of her neck, gently wiping the tears from her face, still she said nothing; letting Clarke fall apart in her arms, she would help to pick up the pieces when all was said and done.

"I... I killed..my father.. so that I could live.." she was broken "How..how can you still love me when I did something like that?... how can anyone?.."

Her admissions were of guilt and they were barely audible through her cries, it was heartbreakingly tugging at Lexa's heartstrings, ashen, shocked and torn down the seams she struggled to comfort the one in her arms when all she wanted to do was fall apart with her, next to her, hold her and cry for her, take this pain away from her and carry it for her.

Instead, she just held her. Held her and rocked her.

It was some time later, when the rain had ceased and Clarke lay exhausted in Lexa's lap staring up at her with blood shot eyes, they closed slowly as Lexa's fingers stroked strands of her hair away from her face as her breathing levelled off and Clarke drifted into an emotionally drained deep sleep. Lexa's mind was numb, she struggled to pull everything together and make sense of what Clarke had just admitted to her, of how hard it had been and how her beautiful girlfriend was beating herself up about this day in day out, night after night because she thought she had no other option than to hide her shame from everyone she ever cared about. Lexa wondered about Clarke's mom, wondered where she was and what she was doing now and if she missed her daughter as much as Lexa sensed Clarke did underneath it all..

* * *

*** A snow covered café in downtown Chicago ***

* * *

"My daughter and I.. we uh, we don't..." Abby struggled with the right words, "We're.. Uhm, we're not close.."

Raven's reaction was one of shock, she stopped shovelling in the food as fast as it would go down her gullet and instead reached for her cup, a gulp of coffee, though it burned all the way down her throat brought her back to Earth with a bump, she was mesmerised but the fact that Abby seemed almost nervous to talk about herself; Raven never expected that, but kept quiet and listened intently.

Abby couldn't do this right now, but she had opened the sentence and already provided the fire with enough fuel to continue on, so she rapidly flushed out the rest of her painful past in one split second not stopping to take in any further reactions from her companion;

"My marriage was on the rocks, Clarke was in collage studying medicine and there was a car accident" Abby paused, "she was driving. Jake, my husband, died. Clarke walked away, but not really, not... not inside here" she tapped her forehead the way Jake had always done to Clarke when he was proclaiming she had nothing inside that skull of hers, only air, "She quit, and left to travel the world.. I haven't seen her in four years, I haven't spoken to her for two..." Abby smiled meekly and Raven was still silent across the table from her. "And, I moved here" she shrugged her shoulders, "that's me.." swallowing another gulp of steaming hot coffee.

"I'm sorry Abby..." Raven's voice was low, compassionate, "I didn't mean to pry.." she reached across the table instinctively and held Abby's hand in hers, where Abby could not look her in the eye before they were now sitting silently, hand in hand staring at each-other. The Earth could have stopped it's motion right there and then; neither moved, happy to just sit in each-other's company holding hands.


	6. 47 E DIVISION ST

Chapter Six – **47 E Division St**

They'd parted on even terms, Abby had slipped a business card into Raven's hands and asked her to call her when it was a good time to come collect her car. Their hands had brushed, fingertip to fingertip and it made Abby flush, all the heat in her body rushing to her face in the crisp morning air. Raven smiled that stunning smile that killed it and made Abby want to spend more time with this incredibly vibrant woman she had only just met that morning. One single morning? Christ it felt like a lifetime already, Abby had pulled her coat tighter round her body and walked in the direction of the metro station hazarding a glance over her shoulder at the same time Raven had looked her way when crossing the road; their last glimpse of each-other was just that, a glimpse but it was enough to fuel every absent minded thought that Abby had for that subsequent couple of days thereafter. Working a double back to back shift she barely had time to eat let alone check her cell for missed calls. A kind colleague finishing at the same time as her had dropped her off on the corner of West Elm and North State, leaving her to pick up a few groceries before the short walk home.

She'd been lucky with Jake's inheritance from his father, the money left over from his own will had primarily gone into Clarke's medical school fund. When her late husbands parents had passed, their abode, a stunning Gothic row house built in the 1880's in the heart of Chicago had been left to him, his wife and their daughter. Clarke was only 4 at the time, they had died younger than Abby's parents had, it damn near destroyed Jake. Her heart thudded, his death still so raw in her mind despite the time passed. This was going back a few years now, he had come up here once a month to do it up for a couple of days at a time, turning it into a family home again. He'd never finished it in time. Abby never had the heart to sell it on, it contained too many memories and she supposed that one day, if Clarke found she could return to this country, she would remember the address and turn up, one day.

One day.

47 E Division St loomed up into her view, stunning second floor bay windows framed in black wood, it's gorgeous red brick arches that welcomed visitors to the front door and wrought iron railings urged you up the stairs to the porch. She checked her mailbox, nothing, and scooted up the stone steps and into the chilly house closing the door into the latch behind her. Shirking her coat she hung it on a peg by the door and gratefully slipped off her shoes, dropping her bag at the foot of the stairs and disappearing into the living area collapsed in a heap of green scrubs and mousey brown hair on the leather couch, grabbing a pillow she pulled it under her head and sighed deeply, breathing in the musty leather smell of the sofa beneath her. Dinner, she mused, would have to wait, resting her heavy body was far more important right now.

She'd not been down for long before her cell was buzzing in her pocket, a quick glance told her that she was late to take her pills and groaning she rolled to the side, slid off the side of the couch and walked to the kitchen, groceries in her arms. Setting them down on the counter top, Abby popped the pills from their little packet and swallowed them without water, it was just one of those daily routines that was becoming a boring reminder of real life. She found herself wondering how much longer she could go on like this, work, sleep, work, sleep, finding time or even the joy in eating after a back to back double shift of over 24hrs was difficult, her stomach didn't want to play the game today.

She'd feel better after a shower, she told herself reassuringly, making her way up the stairs wearily undressing as she went, leaving socks on the stairs, scrub trousers on the landing, her scrub shirt at the doorway to her bedroom, her panties at the foot of her bed and bra just outside the bathroom door, letting her hair out of it's tight ponytail her long tresses cascaded down her bare back, kissing her shoulders as she leant forwards and turned the dials on the shower till the water was painfully hot, enough to burn a hole in the tub – perfect for her achy body. Pulling a soft white towel from the cupboard, she popped it on the side and dipped under the water. It's burning feeling soothingly pressuring each point that hurt till she was a floppy mess of tiredness. So engrossed, she did not hear the first ring on the doorbell.

* * *

The light had disappeared quickly, the encroaching darkness bled around the SUV with a neediness she couldn't quite get used to, she wasn't a Winter person, she was a Summer baby and would always crave the sun. Raven was glad for the bright white headlights as they cut through the darkness with ease. It was an easy drive, she new the city like the back of her hand, but had only had the pleasure of driving through this neighbourhood once or twice in her lifetime. She found she concentrated less on the road and more on the houses, their stunning Gothic turrets, bright yellow, red and beige bricks, the way they had seen so much of this city rise up around them a segment of which she had only witnessed in her 27 years. She turned right onto North Astor, Abby's business card perched above the steering wheel, looking out for the number 47 before realising it was directly up ahead, towering up in front of her like a castle. Raven gasped, she may have even been holding her breath as she pulled up parallel to the building, double checking that this was the right address.

Parking up, she pulled the jacket over her shoulders and locked up, taking the stairs two at a time her hand reached for the bell and it sounded like a magnificent manor inside as it rang clearly, brightly peeling through the house, hands shoved deep into her pockets, she waited.

No answer.

Raven peered in through the downstairs window, the lights were on and she could see into the kitchen where a brown paper bag full of groceries waited to be unpacked. She could have gone out, gone next door to a neighbours house or across the street for something. Raven returned to her spot in front of the large mahogany door, she rang the bell again, it peeled once again through the large space beyond. This time there was a commotion on the other side of the door, a clattering of feet on stairs and an instant later the door opened to Abby standing draped in a towel, wet hair matched wet skin; one hand held the towel against the crease in her armpit the other supported the door. Raven couldn't take her eyes off of her, all rational thoughts had left her in that moment that seemed so perfect it was impossible to know the difference between what was real and what was her imagination. All she could manage was a muffled production of sound in the form of a meek;

"Abby, hey" as she held her hand up in a greeting.

* * *

Abby was in the midst of the boiling hot water as it ravaged her body and burned away at least one layer of skin whilst she stood beneath the waterfall, breathing in the steam deeply, finally relaxing or at least feeling 80% more relaxed than when she had walked through the front door. She was so deep in thought that the sound of the doorbell as it plunged through the house shook her from her fantasies, shutting off the water, she grappled through the shower curtain for bath towel she had laid out previously; wrapping it securely around her torso she made her decent down the steep staircase. Aware that her attire wasn't ideal, she just assumed it was batty old Pat from next door, wishing to 'borrow' her weekly quart of sugar that she always seemed to forget to buy from the store. It was a a good six steps to the front door from the bottom step, Abby made it in 3 and a bit, grasping the handle she opened the door to feel the coolness of the air from the street outside and the figure standing on her porch rendered her momentarily speechless. It appeared that she too was having trouble with her words, a small "Abby, hey" and hand wave was enough to push the voice from Abby's mouth;

"Raven!"

She uttered surprised to see her standing there, "Are you alright?" worry knitted across her brow, Raven's response was instantaneous;

"Yeah, I just came to drop your car off" she held up the keys as if evidence was needed to prove why she had come so far out of her own way. She dropped them into Abby's open palm figuring that she had probably overstayed her welcome, partially due to Abby's state of undress. "That was it, so I'll.. uhm, I guess I'll see you soon?" she nodded awkwardly, like actually walking away was an entirely different feat.

"Wait.." Abby stopped her, "You're walking home? In the dark?" Raven knew what was coming next, and so interjected with her own comeback, "I only live around the corner, I'll be fine.." she assured Abby's already worried expression, it was a lie but Abby need not know she lived over an hour away and a good hour and a half passed her house in the wrong direction was the garage that Raven had worked in nearly all day and all night to finish the trailblazer before delivering it to Abby's front door. She'd never offered a door-to-door service for anyone else, but Abby was different, there was something about her that made Raven want to spend more and more time in her company. _"Shit"_ she thought to herself, _"now you're sounding like a lovesick teenager!"_ blushing in this climate was never a let down, the cold air could be blamed for a flair up in flushed cheeks, and she was sure hers were beetroot!

"Let me give you a lift?" Abby offered, "It's the least that I can do for this, nothing short of amazing, service" she was smiling at Raven, a kind warming, welcoming smile that spread across her entire face, that filled her features with genuine kindness.

"Oh no I couldn't it's over an hour away, there's no way I'd make you drive all that way out just for me..." Raven trailed off realising her mistake, Abby too seemed to realise it and so when she spoke again it was with a hint of amusement, she didn't call her out on it but the gesture was kind, too kind;

"Stay.." she spoke, with the over confident authority of a woman who was clearly much further in her years and knowledge, "..Have dinner with me, I haven't eaten and I'd enjoy the company – then perhaps we can talk about whether or not you'll allow me to drive you home and perhaps make the decision on a full stomach?

Raven thought she would need time to process it, another moment to realise that it probably wasn't a good idea with someone she had just met and that she would be fine walking to the metro on her own, it was only a few blocks after all and this wasn't the worst neighbourhood in this city by a long shot. But her heart and mouth were in cahoots and despite what her brain had to say on the matter they accepted Abby's kind offer with a soft nod;

"Jeez Abby, how can a girl refuse?" she nodded a little more productively now; "Yeah, I'd like that very much, thank you..." She stepped forwards as Abby pushed the large door ajar further and stood to the side to let Raven in; "I have one request though..."

"And what's that?" Abby mused;

"That you let me cook whilst you get changed into something a little more appropriate?" She gestured to Abby's attire and was quickly met with a laugh that she'd never had the pleasure of hearing from Abby, "Deal.." she chuckled and closed the door behind them both.

* * *

The décor was just as grand inside as the architecture was outside the house, Raven found herself open mouthed on more than one occasion as she glided through the lower ground floor following Abby's silhouette into the kitchen. She catalogued various photographs of a man and a younger girl, Raven guessed they were Abby's late husband and her estranged daughter, the photos were happy perhaps too happy for a life spent in this large house all on your own, but Raven wasn't one to judge given her own 'family' upbringing. Abby blustered into the kitchen, the coldest room in the house thus far, something that Raven vowed to fix once she had finished cooking, reaching for two glasses she pulled a bottle of red wine from the cupboard and gestured to Raven;

"I hope you don't mind? It's been a long day.."

Abby pressed, pouring herself a large glass and Raven a standard measure, leaving the bottle on the side should Raven decide she wanted more, she held out her hand, the glass balanced in between her middle and ring finger. Raven took it and sniffed the heady mix before sipping it slightly. The taste was.. well put it this way, she was more of a lager kinda gal, but accepted Abby's kind gesture and made an attempt to look like she enjoyed the taste till Abby's back was turned and she had the chance to place the glass back on the counter.

"So, are you sure you wanna cook?" Abby questioned, "'Cause you know I make a mean spagbol.." there was amusement behind her voice, as if someone had suggested she wasn't even close to a good enough cook somewhere down the line.

Raven removed her jacket and threw it to the back of a chair;

"Nope, I've got this.." She announced, joking "It's just like changing a carburettor right!?" smiling to ear to ear at Abby's shocked expression; "I'm kidding, I'm kidding" she reassured, "Go..! Get changed, I've got this..!"

She nodded in the direction of the staircase and playfully pushed Abby by the shoulder in that direction.

* * *

Abby's heart was thudding like some crazy drum in her ears, she didn't have 'nice' clothes any more, or at least not nice enough to entertain and so when she stood bare as the day God made her in front of her wardrobe pulling out and putting back various styles of clothing she felt like she was having a veritable meltdown. Why was this so difficult? Why did making a good impression on this woman mean so much to her? _"Deep breath Abby"_ she coached herself, _"She's cooking YOU dinner, in your own home, you don't have to wear an evening gown to rival The Oscars!"_ regardless of that fact the next item she pulled out was perfect, a little black dress that kissed her legs just below the knee, strappy top and a thin black leather belt to sit just above her midriff. Slipping it over her head, she tousled her hair till she could draw it back into a loose fishtail braid. She would have to go braless – the straps on the dress were to thin to provide for bra protection. She mused about going commando too, but hurriedly shoved it out of her mind should she be seen as some kind of slut, which was far from what she was getting at. Hazarding some eyeliner and mascara till she was confident enough that the wine would take care of the rest. She had no shoes but that was an afterthought when the smell of Raven's cooking rose up through the house pulling Abby towards the landing with a watering mouth and very expectant hungry stomach.

She made her way back downstairs, her bare feet silently carried her into the brightly lit and warm living room; Abby gasped, her hand flying up to her mouth, taken aback by the effort that Raven had gone to to make their meal like that of a proper restaurant, somehow she had found place mats and napkins hidden at the back of one of Abby's chest of drawers, and complimenting the scene were all her pillar candles ablaze with light adding to the feeling of home. Abby stifled a sob, she couldn't remember the last time this place felt lived in as vibrantly as it looked now. She made a beeline to the kitchen and was met in the doorway by Raven dressed in her blue and black apron, her previously loose hair was tied in a messy bun on top of her head and was that tomato sauce on her cheek? Abby laughed, gesturing to her own cheek where some of Raven's productive cooking had ended up; "You've got uh..." Raven looked confused, Abby found herself equally confused that perhaps she was playing around or if she was being serious and so when her next statement bumbled out of her mouth she made no attempt to stop it; "Here, let me." She reached up with her free hand, brushing the sauce from Raven's right cheek, thumb lingering a little longer than she dared before she licked it off the tip; "Mmmm.." she exclaimed, cocking her head to the side, "Spagbol?"

Raven applauded her guess by showing her to the table, pulling the chair out for her, waiting till she had made herself comfortable before lifting the napkin and laying it neatly across her lap. She didn't want to mention that she had done this type of waiting before she had had the chance to jump into the mechanic world at O'Grady's. She wanted everything from here on out to be a surprise for Abby, she felt like she'd earned the right to be spoiled for the evening regardless of circumstances and the age between them Raven felt drawn to this woman like a moth to the flame, a need to please and delight her with simple gifts - such as cooking her dinner on this totally random off chance. Abby found she had no more words, she wasn't even sure if this was real, pinching her arm to make sure she wasn't just dreaming, she was rendered speechless again when Raven placed a plate of Spaghetti and Meatballs in front of her, before putting her own down and taking a seat, holding up the wine glass for a toast.

Abby gladly obliged.

Their glasses chinked together as their eyes met, each held the others gaze and smiled in a moment of sheer appreciation and joy at the time spent in each-others company. This was what life was supposed to be about.

The next half an hour was a blur, the taste was nothing like she had ever experienced before, the mixture of herbs that complimented everything perfectly and the way Raven had curled the pasta round her plate in a little twirl, Abby was noticing the little things more, when she popped a mouthful against her tongue the tingling sensation was mouthwatering, and Raven's delicate fingers lifted her own meal up to her soft lips, tongue curled around the spaghetti to take it into her mouth all at once.

Abby wasn't sure what 'this' was, but it felt like a million little light-bulbs had burst in her heart, it fluttered and beat out of time, every time Raven looked in her direction it skipped a beat and her palms were sweaty making gripping the cutlery even more difficult as time drew on. She stroked the place where her wedding ring had been absent-mindedly, she'd not done it for sometime now but the rough skin where it had sat for so many years was finally smooth enough for her to feel her thumb as it rubbed over it, skin to skin.

She's drifted into a daydream and when she finally managed to escape her finished plate was being taken away by Raven, her slender hands lifted it with ease but stopped when Abby's hand stalled it, with genuine appreciation she whispered "Thank you, that was amazing" it wasn't supposed to be a whisper but it was all she could manage as her throat constricted with emotions. Abby raised her eyes, catching Raven's deep dark eyes brimming with tears. She stood too, standing at the same height as the dark haired beauty beside her. Abby's hand took the plate from Raven's, setting it back on the place mat. Her left hand hindered on her arm, fingertips brushing her tanned skin whilst her right hand reached up to cup Raven's face. She couldn't breathe normal air, instead she breathed in Raven, her stunning scent floored Abby, the sweet musk of her perfume hung in the air as Abby's eyes searched Raven's for any indication that she felt the same way.

When Raven leaned down her lips grazed Abby's and her hands rested either side of her face, staring, watching, waiting as she fell deep into Abby's blue eyes. She breathed hard against her lips, as if she wasn't sure she should get involved so soon yet everything about her screamed at her to commit.

They committed together, Abby felt her breasts straining beneath her dress, the fabric tight against her skin, her sins showing through when she refused to hold back as their lips met, kissing soft soft lips felt bizarre and yet it felt so natural it hurt and the more she fell into Raven's world the more she felt she could lie here forever. Abby never thought she would be attracted to another woman, but Raven was different, her kiss was light and loving – she wanted this as much as Abby did. Abby kissed her back, the taste of wine shared between them made her light-headed, Raven's hand was at the small of her back now, pulling her closer to her body as Abby's breasts pressed hard into Raven's chest, she exhaled and inhaled deeply, pulling as much oxygen as there was available into her lungs in one go. Abby walked backwards, leading Raven with her, she felt incredibly overdressed all of a sudden, like offering for Abby to get changed had been a mistake because now she was the one in the tight, oh so tight jeans that pressed even tighter into her crotch causing all manner of problems.

Her mind strayed to every time before this where their skin had met and their fingertips had touched and they had held hands, the way that despite everything horrendously obvious that had been staring her in the face; Raven realised it now, Abby had never wanted to drive her home, she had wanted her to stay, stay and sleep and play.. the word play seemed inappropriate somehow and yet she used it again in her mind when she pushed into Abby's body, letting her need to be as close to her as possible, take over.

Raven's lithe body inched it's way up Abby's torso, brushing passed all the important pressure points, hands reaching for Abby's and pushing her back against the wall behind them. Raven's palms pressed Abby's high above her head, lips grazing her cheek as she trailed kisses down Abby's face, reaching her own lips she kissed her back forcefully, wanting with desire.

Her right hand pinned Abby's hands so she couldn't resist, and with her left she explored the soft skin beneath Abby's dress, fingertips gently stroking her stomach as they moved higher and higher still. They pulled at the tightness of the fabric at her breast, lifting it lightly as Raven grazed Abby's nipples with her fingers. They stood to attention immediately, straining against their fabric constraints.

Abby gasped, her mouth open as she breathlessly breathed Raven's name...

"Oh god.. Raven... please.."

Raven hesitated, unsure that Abby's next words wouldn't beg her to stop entirely and that they would continue this dinner in an awkward silence;

"Please.. don't stop.." That was enough for Raven, cupping Abby's face she whispered throatily in her ear,

"Let's take this upstairs.. shall we?"

Before her hand slipped down to where it found Abby's and clutching it tightly she lead her towards the bedroom.


End file.
